Some serious thought…

My life… it sucks. And although i think that i am doing a good job of hiding this fact from myself on occasion, let’s face it… the truth hurts.

I mean yeah i know that i will be ok going to Iraq, but the idea of it annoys me more than anything else, although i am not really sure why that is. It’s not so much fear or the whole away from home and English bookstores for a year that bothers me, because i did that one last year to and had a blast, i think it is because my mother is actually worried about the fact that i am going over there. That is what is annoying me. I am not afraid to be blown up or shot at because i know that i signed that contract during a time of war, i will full-fill my duties inherent to that role, but it doesn’t mean i have to like it right?

I mean my mother is scared, the only time i can acctually remember her being over protective of me in my life. And she feels so hopeless because she knows that there is nothing she can do to stop me from going over there, i mean hell there is nothing i can do to stop myself from going.

I try to look at the bright side of things, i will be making a shit ton of non-taxable money, but at the same time is it really worth putting my life on the line for a war that we provoked? I mean really WMDs… PLEASE! *rolls eyes*

If i am going to be killed in combat i want to know that it is for the right reasons and not someones unjustifayable need to finnish daddies work.

*sigh* I am just fed up… with everything.

The war

Playing marriage counselor

lack of school

not getting journalism like i was promised (should be use to that though)

disappointing people

i just want it all to end. Not in the oh let me go kill myself way, but in the oh… can i please hit pause for a moment and run to get something to drink way (did that make sense to anyone other than me?)

Red Dragon first draft… done!

So i am happy about the fact that i have finished the first draft of Red Dragon… woot go me!

I am quickly learning how much i hate the editing process. Although, i must admit that some of it is my fault as it was written in one month and thus for some reason i switch tenses like nothing else! So it’s been a pain in the neck and a slow process but i am getting there.

I really don’t know how it is that Fi can do this for a living, although i love to write i am not a fan of going back over my work and seeing the amazing amount of loose plot lines that i have to fix. it is really annoying. But at the same time i feel like i may have finally accomplished something. I just hope that i can get it published!

Writing… and more writing

Listening to: Tokuyama Hidenori

Eating: nothing till my mouth heals

Reading: Dean Koontz’s Midnight
Watching: Bleach ep 194

(totally stole that from Fi <3)

~~~~~

Wow so there was nothing to do at work today. So I managed to pull out my trusty laptop and knock out a couple thousand words. So far today I have managed to get in 4K which isn’t to bad. I really would like to have a 10K day today so I better get a move on it if I am going to make that goal.

The story is going well enough, even if a lot of it is just word vomit that will have to be taken care of in edits. I guess that is the point of NaNo though, quantity over quality and that is what I am doing. Although I am happy that I am forcing myself to write my 100K rather than only 50K. It’s been a VERY long time since I got the chance to actually write anything so it feels good to get words on paper… er… computer.

I was reading over Fi’s blog and I had to try the link that she had there for write or die. I have to say that I am hooked like a crack head needs crack. Last night I had no motivation to write anything but when I pulled that out I couldn’t stop. I was averaging about 700 words in 10 mins so I was damn proud of myself. Thanks to that I managed to get my 3336 for the day so woo go me.

I guess that I like where the story is going… even if it wasn’t anywhere near where I wanted it to go. It is keeping me on my toes and writing because even I want to know what happens. I mean I know how the ending is going to work out… that never changed, but their personalities of my characters did change from what I wanted them to be (from the very start Shouta was giving me problems) and now there are all these new characters that I never intended to have be there. But surprise there they are. *sigh*

This story has a mind of it’s own and this new character that I know nothing about is demanding to be talked about in the story so I suppose I should try to work a bit more towards my 10K!

oxycodene and lack of sleep

So i got one of my wisdom teeth pulled the other day and the doc is making me take oxycoded for the pain. That’s all well and good except that the shit knocks me out like nothing i have ever taken before. That wouldn’t be a problem normally seeing as how i am on quarters till 630 tomorrow (4 days total). Tonight is a little different though. I am so sleepy and i just want to pass out in my bed but my room mate showes up at 340 with some drunk friends of hers and they are keeping me awake.

They are loud enough that they could wake the living dead and thus keeping me from going to bed. It’s annoying the fuck out of me.

Just had to vent a little ~

Thanks for stopping by

I have a lack of Wisdom….. teeth that is

Wow so i totally haven’t been around to update in forever and a day. But i am here, high as a kite on some oxycodone and trying to knock out a shit ton on my NaNo novel.  That’s right it’s the day that i had my wisdom tooth pulled. Only one, singular tooth. I only had two and they said that they would have to wait for my other one to start breaking through the skin again before they tray to take it out.

It has made my day interesting. i think that i am going to get some more NaNo writing done rather than sit here typing words that dont count towards my 100K goal. Need to get something done before my next dose of meds catch up to me and i can’t see straight.

On a closing note i must say Narcotics and Writing don’t mix nicely.

FUCKING PAIN!!!

OMG my tooth hurts so bad that it hurts my nose and my ear and the one side of my head like… like… i don’t know something that hurts insanely bad. It’s to the point that i almost want to take a pair of pliers and rip the damn thing out so that i will have some kind of… well damn it would still hurt either way but make it stop please!.

On top of it all my tattoo that i had worked last weekend will not stop itching… ahh the healing process. It’s annoying and it burns and it itches and i cannot touch it!

So with my tooth and my tattoo i had to work till 9 tonight to get caught up on shit. oh well it got done and it is less that i have to do later on down the road… my greatest fear at the moment is that i will not get any sleep because of the fact that i have this damn pain in both my back (tattoo) and my mouth/head (tooth).

fuck -_-

giving up

So i have decided that Hahn is just a bad person for me. I mean come on, really what kind of decent man would do the things that he does to me. Why would someone be affectionate one moment and cold the next. Why would they only act as if they wanted to be with me when we are alone, and ignore me when we are out with friends…. why…. one thing comes to my mind… The sex. In all honesty i think that that is all that he saw in me from day one. I am not going to make myself upset over some guy who doesn’t seem to understand that it is not ok to go around fucking with peoples emotions. So i am giving up… this is my official declaration.

Don’t get me wrong. I still want to be friends with the guy… and i am sure that much we are both ok with. I just need to spend some time away and get my thoughts in order before i see him again.

Other than that there is not a hell of a lot that has been going on. I went and saw Babylon A. D. the other night… it sucked. Then again take a look at the cast. But it wasn’t as bad as mirrors was so at least i wouldn’t classify it as a TOTAL waste of 8 bucks. GOD the price of a movie ticket now a days is insane!

My four day weekend is coming to an end and i am both happy and sad about it. Happy because it means that i will be able to start doing things other than sitting around my room watching One Piece. Sad because it means that i will have to leave my room and face the outside world.

I wish i was back in Korea when things were sucky as far as work went but i enjoyed my days off. I miss writing in some random cafe with Fi… i miss the train system… lol then again that is because i miss my car T_T

I had a doctors appointment last Thursday about my wrist. it seems that the cyst has yet to go away and i have to start the whole process for sugary over again. but with any luck it will be a bit quicker this time than it was last time.

Classes for school start on the 8th… and i don’t even have the money for my textbooks. I am going to be broke as hell this month so there is no way that i am able to afford text books, not when they want 300 bucks for 2. i may have to drop my language course until next semester and just leave the math one. I am sure that i can work with my teacher on that… maybe.

SOS

Ok so i understand the fact that i can be funny and cute when i want to be, but really people what part of “There is only one guy that i want to be with at the moment” can you not understand? Now i have his co-owner, 2 of his brothers, one of his band mates, and two people that i work with all trying to get with me at the same time. ALL I WANT IS FOR HAHN TO SEE ME NOT YOU PEOPLE… at least not like that.

It is getting very irritating because anytime that i go to hang out with Hahn, at least Chris and Danny are there. It got to the point where he actually text me to ask if i wanted to go and see a move… but not to let the others know. It’s a little crazy actually.

As far as any progress on us dating… there is little to none. Other than the fact that he sounded a little upset when he was telling me that there were other people hitting on me. Still i will keep at it LOL.

Anywho, i went and saw Death Race with Hahn on Friday night. It was good, well better than i thought it would be and no it is not just because i was wrapped up in his arms through the movie. The plot was ok, and the action was in abundance. Not one of those movies that i would recommend wasting large sums of money on, just wait for the DVD and rent it.

This Thursday or Friday (cause it’s a four day weekend this weekend *does happy dance*) I am going to go see The Rocker. Hahn went and saw it already and said that it was funny as hell. So now i want to see it… as for now… i have early formation and a headache so i am heading to bed.

If you know how to sort out my guy trouble let me know please… because apparently me telling them is not enough T_T

I think, therefor i am dangerous.

Last night i had a good time, although i didn’t mean to go out at all.

Hahn had a book that i wanted to pick up from the store. in all honesty my only intention was to go there, get the book and get out. Let’s face it… i really like Hahn he is a very sweet, honest, and VERY good looking guy but i know that he doesn’t like me the same way, therefor i am trying to limit the amount of time that i spend with him… at least i was.

Chris, one of Hahn’s employees knows that i didn’t want to go back to post last night because i would do nothing but sit in my room and be depressed, yes once again i feel the stress of life *sigh*. Anyway, Chris suggested that we all go out to get sushi last night and i went, and must say i had a very good time.

When we got back to the shop (to pick up the cars) Hahn blocked me in and started to talk to me about the shit that was bothering me. In all honesty i am easy to read. He tried to make me feel better, but in the end all i could do was call him an asshole for kissing me.

Although i wasn’t upset at the fact that he kissed me it was more or less the fact that he knows that i like him and he still does shit like that. But i guess that i am a glutton for punishment because i am supposed to be going out to see, yet another, movie with him tonight.

“WE people spend almost all our efforts searching, longing, wanting and waiting for love, but more often than not, we fail to see it. Though, surprisingly, at a point in our lives, at a point where we least expect, at a time when it’ll have the most impact, it literally throws itself towards you, pounds on your door, and says, “Here I am, take me, I’m yours. “ When that instance comes, would you dare turn away from it? Would you say, “Not now, maybe later?” Wouldn’t you take the chance, thinking the opportunity may never come again?”

Tropic Thunder and other useless information

I went and saw Tropic Thunder last night with a few friends. The movie was funny as hell. It is worth seeing! Hahn (john’s actual name… i figured i should start using it seeing as how that is what i call him XD) was supposed to go with us but unfortunately he couldn’t. I was a little down about that but still i had a good time anyway.

It is once again Monday… but at least this Monday is starting out better than last Monday. For that much i am thankful! My foot is glass free so the 3 mile run this morning didn’t cause my foot to bleed like the last one did. And although the pace was so slow i could have walked it, it was a nice easy workout that at least raised my heart rate so i know i got some kind of cardio out of it… although i wanted more.

Still no word on the jeep yet, i remain hopeful… that some act of god will happen and they will be like… OK Miss Harris your car is ready… by like… Today would be nice, although i know it will not happen.

I guess i haven’t really mentioned what i am writing at the moment. I didn’t notice that until Fionn said something. I am not really writing anything other than information for work at this point in time because i don’t have time. But my hopes are that i will get everything that i need to get done, done by November first so that i can do NaNoWriMo. I have a plot line worked out for that though… although there are still somethings that i have to work out and finish planing.

Ok shower is finally warm and calling me. q.(^_^).p